Apparently, May is Elder Care Month, so I thought it was a good time to discuss elder abuse. Did you know that financial planners can be trained to recognize when someone is experiencing elder abuse?
One of my favorite continuing education webinars was presented by a former FBI agent. He identified different red flags that could indicate cases of elder abuse and also showed us how the scammers identified potential marks.
Of course, financial planners often work with elderly clients when managing retirement accounts. However, I think that is one area where most members of the financial services industry miss the boat. Shouldn’t we help clients build wealth instead of only helping the already wealthy?
Let’s look at three areas where elder abuse can occur.
Focusing only on the financial realm, elder abuse can occur in the real world, the virtual world, and even in someone’s social circle. Scammers use loneliness to take advantage of our loved ones.
My grandparents were some of the kindest people in the world. Unfortunately, they were the perfect example of what scammers look for when identifying victims. My grandparents were never victims as far as we know, but they could have been.
They didn’t really like technology, so the internet scams weren’t an issue for them. The real world was potentially a problem because scammers drive around looking for elder abuse opportunities.
For example, the green astroturf carpet on the front porch usually signals an elderly resident. These rugs and carpets protect residents from slipping on the porch. Add a few rocking chairs and you’re asking for some unwanted visitors.
My grandparents enjoyed sitting on the porch or in the yard. Some of my best memories involve sitting at the swing with my mom’s parents and having a slice of watermelon on the big rock with my dad’s parents. We never imagined that those visits could attract scammers.
Furthermore, scammers watch the routine of their elderly targets.
My grandparents would have breakfast at the local Hardee’s a few times a week with a group. It was a great way to socialize and avoid the loneliness of staying at home. Routine outings are great for everyone’s mental health, but they’re especially important for elderly people.
Imagine being retired and stuck in the house each day while everyone else has their own lives. Yes, life is busy and it’s hard to make time for visiting loved ones, but if we view the situation from their side, we easily see how they can become victims when a kind stranger just comes into their life.
It’s a good idea to know where your loved ones go in their daily routine. If they have a group breakfast, maybe some employees can help keep an eye on things. Your community can be a great help in preventing elder abuse.
Elder abuse occurs in the virtual world as well as the real world.
The internet has opened the world to all of us. Social media has given us ways to keep in touch with our friends and even make new friends. My first book was written about my experiences with an online relationship.
In the busyness of life, we can go months or even years without talking to our dearest friends. This is nobody’s fault, and it doesn’t mean we no longer care about each other. Our lives just change over time.
I’m thankful for social media because it allows me to keep in touch with friends even if they are miles away. Unfortunately, as with all good things, there are bad actors in the virtual world who try to take advantage of people.
Scammers like to focus on elderly people and other groups, such as people with disabilities.
Fortunately, they are pretty easy to recognize as long as you know the signs. As with the real world, they are hoping to exploit the loneliness of their potential victims.
For example, people with disabilities are more likely to be homebound. I often get “friend requests” that are obviously a scam. Usually, they will even have an inappropriate website in the “About Me” section of their profile. Their information section can have spelling errors, completely unrealistic jobs, education, or even location.
More often than not, these scammers are located outside of the United States, so pay attention to the time when requests or messages are sent. Not many nice people would send you a request or message at 3:00 in the morning.
Please understand that I am all for making connections on social media. It is the way of the world now. However, just as we must be careful meeting strangers in a bar, we should be aware of the potential dangers of social media.
The best practice is to never send money or any important personal information to virtual friends. If they are a true friend, they will appreciate your skepticism, while a scammer will become angry, impatient, and eventually they will give up. Then, normally, they’ll disappear and leave you alone.
Finally, most cases of elder abuse occur in the person’s social circle.
This can include friends as well as family members. My initial inspiration for this post came from the recent news about the UNC Football Program. As a life-long NC State fan I never thought I would write anything about that blue school, but here we are.
The news was about the UNC Head Coach’s romantic relationship with a much younger lady. Of course, they had to know the news would be all over this story, especially considering she is his publicist as well. A simple Google search will tell you all you need to know about the story.
The story has died down, but there was a national concern about the coach and whether or not he was being manipulated. Although I am not a fan, I do believe we all deserve to find love and happiness, so I wish them the very best.
However, the story provided us with real examples of red flags when looking for elder abuse.
First, she was initially included in any email sent to the coach from the university or football program. Sure, CEO’s always copy their assistants on emails, but she is not the assistant employed by the university. When an abuser is manipulating our loved ones, they have to be in control. They are basically gate keepers controlling access to a person.
Of course, gate keeping is a job responsibility for an assistant, so the CEO or coach doesn’t have their time wasted by a salesperson. However, the spouse or significant other doesn’t usually do that job for a leader of a major organization. College football is a huge business, so I can promise you that UNC can pay for an assistant to help the coach in day-to-day business.
As his publicist, the coach’s girlfriend also went to most of his interviews because part of her job is to protect his brand. When the interviews drifted to their romantic relationship, she shut them down immediately. On the one hand, she did her job. On the other hand, that puts my guard up.
From my point of view, I would not want anyone to tell my father what he could or could not say in an interview, unless there were legal reasons to prevent answering.
People love to hear about celebrity relationships, so it goes with the territory when accepting interview requests. Ask Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Again, I wish them the best and am not accusing her of anything.
However, if someone of the coach’s age requested a consultation with me, I would be concerned if he couldn’t answer questions without another person’s permission. Client meetings often include a child helping their parents or spouses meeting together.
Please understand there is an obvious difference between loving support and someone controlling the situation. I don’t like being in those situations as you NEVER want to wrongly accuse someone. However, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t do everything I could to protect my client.
I try to see the good in people, so it’s hard for me to think about fellow human beings engaging in elder abuse.
However, in our fallen world, we do have to deal with evil. As Jesus said, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
If you suspect your loved ones are in a dangerous situation, please talk to them. How you approach the issue is important. If you have an angry tone, they will shut down, and nothing will be accomplished.
Remember, these are your parents and you will always be their children. If mistakes have been made, your parents may be ashamed and embarrassed. Talking about the issue with the love and respect they deserve is the best way to solve the problem. I’ll be glad to help! Email me!
